90% of mothers are hit by the fastest way to raise or abandon a child! If you don't change, it will be too late!
Beautiful morning light, accompany you to read.
A few days ago, my friend shared a question on Zhihu with me.
seeing this question, I smiled. This is the problem we often encounter in our lives. I believe that the first reaction of mothers is that their children are rebellious and disobedient.
this question has nearly 3 million page views, and it can be seen that how to live in peace with children is a difficult problem for all parents.
one of the parents' answer, I agree:
he said: I have the same problem as you. Just tell your child that I can't do it. You can teach me.
the child immediately put on a proud little expression, sat upright and began to play the piano.
in fact, sometimes powerful parents are not strong to overwhelm, or nag their children repeatedly, but learn to "show weakness" is the sharp weapon of family education.
Tiger mothers often have dogs
I often hear some mothers praise their children proudly: "my child listens to me very much."
these mothers are always very strong in parent-child interaction, and their children must be obedient and act in accordance with the requirements, otherwise they will not be forgiven.
and such tiger mothers tend to raise children who are very weak.
in the TV series "in the name of the Family", Qi Mingyue is the proper "other people's child": top grades, high school monitor, beautiful, clever and sensible.
but her mother is such a strong mother. Life and study are under strict control, such as mother and daughter go shopping, Qi Mingyue likes white clothes:
what white to wear, do not like clean but also choose white!
Black is not for you!
when my mother chose a pink dress, Mingyue agreed, and she said:
you are exactly the same as your father, and you don't have a mind of your own.
finally, what has Qi Mingyue, an excellent girl, become?
not only is he not confident, but he is also hesitant to judge things.
is supposed to be a sunny and confident age. She always bows her head and hunches her back. She is obviously excellent, but she is full of inferiority complex:
"I really can't do anything well. I'm really easy to make mistakes."
not willing to listen to her mother all her life, her resistance is so bold and violent.
the blank answer card in the college entrance examination was her "revenge" on her mother.
I wonder if Qi Mingyue has ever regretted the practice of burning both jade and stone.
but she has been influenced by this decision all her life.
Who doesn’t want to look better in her favorite cheap plus size dresses for homecoming? There are different cuts and styles to choose from.
the fact that a mother "shows weakness" in front of her children does not mean that she really knows nothing or knows nothing, but a wise retreat and follow, allowing and encouraging her children to be themselves.
the mother will show weakness, and the child is better
Professor Li Meijin said in the "round table school": after the age of 12, the way parents communicate must be changed. The most important thing is that parents should learn to show weakness.
"weakness effect" is a psychological effect in interpersonal communication. Showing weakness does not mean being inferior. Its essence is to use softness to overcome rigidity.
learning to show weakness to children is parents' child-rearing wisdom and a process in which parents have a long-term foothold and properly let go.
it will not destroy the authority of parents, but it can avoid the harm caused by "hard touch".
in the Young Shuo of Mango platform, the girl named Yuan Meiyi asked her mother in an almost pleading tone:
"I know others are good, but why have I been trying so hard that you have never seen it?"
Mother's answer, with a non-negotiable refusal:
"if you don't hit, you should be gone."
the girl was sad and aggrieved on the roof.
it was originally a great opportunity to rebuild parent-child communication, but it was destroyed by the mother's "strength".
in the education we received from an early age, parents seem to be "above", and children should be "obedient" and obey their parents' decisions unconditionally.
but if children are in this kind of "psychological weakness" for a long time, they are either silent and rebellious to the end, or they are used to being decided by their parents and become cowardly and have no opinions.
100 times condescending may not have a good effect of coquetry once.
if parents can give up their sense of superiority as parents and adults, then you can gain the trust and respect of your children.
showing weakness is a "retreat for progress" way to stimulate children's growth potential, ignite their inner strength, enhance their self-confidence, and make them more independent and responsible.
these words, mothers say more
so, how should parents show weakness to their children?
try to say more of these three sentences.
1. I won't. What should I do?
many parents feel that they should be omnipotent in front of their children, so that they can set a good example for their children, and their children will worship themselves.
in fact, parents are too strong, but children feel that they are too incompetent to face problems alone.
to teach a child the right answer, it is better to teach him the ability to find the answer.
the ignorance of mothers will stimulate children's interest in exploring the unknown.
ask the child "what to do?" It is the best weapon to cultivate children's thinking ability.
2. I can't, help
the famous psychologist
Winnicott believes that the healthy growth of
children does not need the best mother, as long as the mother is good enough.
A mother who is good enough can fully adapt to the baby at first.The need for.
as the baby's ability continues to grow, it is necessary to self-tune so that the child is slowly less dependent on the mother and the environment.
not letting go will hinder the growth of the child.
in front of the "imperfect mother", the child can also relieve the heavy pressure of study, can be tired, can relax.
I can also see that it is not easy for my mother. I am grateful for my mother's efforts and want to do something for my mother.
the weakness of the mother will stimulate the child's desire to protect the family.