Every day, I will live a little better than you.
It turns out that a random wrong hand can destroy a person for a lifetime.
not long ago, I made a short film, which was so hot that the teacher used it as a teaching material in class, and people would recognize it when I got sick and wore a mask to eat a midnight snack. Thorn joked that you should write an article "how I became an Internet celebrity." I smiled bitterly and shook my head, "write an article about how I was scolded."
because it was only in the afternoon that I learned that after the Weibo official media supported and forwarded it with the big v, an originally popular and fun video was "hit by the Internet", from your city to "plagiarized" to personal attack. It turned it into something that made me unhappy in retrospect. I asked my friends, "I don't know them, why do they hate me so much?"
"have you ever hated someone who wanted him to be killed by a car on the road?" When I was recording a short video of the 12-hour all-night event that day, I asked the participants that it was 4: 00 in the morning.
I heard that you didn't smile when you got married one night
I dare not know that I am the culprit
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I have never mentioned such a person to them. They always say that first love will be a love knot, my first love is an exception. He chased me for a year, we were together for a week, and a week later, because I couldn't stand his emotional kidnapping, I broke up and started a three-month nightmare. He thinks that he has "paid" a lot for me, and I should be "very moved", but I only feel "painful" and "inappropriate".
at that time, every school would have a group of popular people with great fame and poor grades. He was one of them. On the second day of separation, there began to be some rumors about me in that grade, such as "a third party, getting involved in other people's feelings for three years", "being with a lot of people at the same time", "bitch" and "bitch", and even went to the office. It is said that it has become the talk material of the teachers after dinner.
I was named in front of the whole school at the flag-raising ceremony. Then the story spread to my family, and during that time I turned off the lights and went to bed at 11:00 as usual. I knew they would open the door and look at me at 12 o'clock to make sure I was asleep.
but they didn't know that I pretended to be asleep just to reassure them. After they closed the door and went back to their room, I sat alone looking out of the window at the moonlight until dawn every night.
their goal was achieved. I began to be afraid of taking classes. I felt very painful when I got up every day and thought of the people I had to face. So I skipped classes and I skipped more classes than I went to. When I saw the crowd pushing and pushing, I would go a long way, and I would walk with my head down. The bell rang after school. I must be the first person to leave school.
at that time, in the middle of class, small notes from the left and right rows of conversations would "happen" to be sent to me, naming names and scolding you. At that time, I was woken up by anonymous text messages and phone calls in the middle of the night. At that time, obviously you didn't do anything, but the teacher still told you, "Girls should behave and love themselves."
in those two years, others were trying to express myself, and I tried to make myself feel nonexistent, until the world began to forget me and find new fun and talk. But the nightmare stayed with me for longer. It was common to wake up in the middle of the night. Later, insomnia was better for me than sleeping.
one day after school, I asked my mother if I could drop out. 'If you're not happy with it, quit, 'she said.
one evening in the first year of college, he added my Wechat. I was stunned. I was celebrating the end of military training with my new roommate. We were full of longing for our upcoming college life. I ate that meal absent-mindedly. On the way back, I still clicked "pass verification".
in the early hours of the next morning, he came to me and said, "I was naive before. I didn't expect to cause so much harm to you. I'm sorry."
I don't hate a person for more than 24 hours, but this sentence is like pressing a switch on me, and it breaks down. Instead of replying to him, I delete him in a hurry.
I watched an interview when I was very young, and I always remembered what Huang Yongyu said, "I can't forgive, and I can't forget."
I can't hold a grudge against someone for a long time, but similarly, I can't forget every time I watch the moon sit quietly until dawn, and I can't forget the fear that arises when I think of the person I want to face at dawn every day.
in writing, I was scolded again and again because of the deviation between my views and a small number of people. If I was reasonable, I would accept it, but what they said was too bad for me to repeat.
the most impressive time was at the dinner table, when I saw someone saying that you were out of your mind and greeting your parents directly. The next second, I put down my phone and tried to bury my head very low.
oneMany people come to scold me, they do not understand what kind of state writing is, they think that writing is like a waiter, and the person watching is a customer, I want to serve him, so I deserve to scold me. They like to rack their brains to scold them, and be sure to touch your bottom line.
in the past, as long as others scolded me, I would panic and think desperately about what I had done wrong. I quickly corrected it and changed it to be liked. But I find that it seems that everything I do is wrong, and people will scold me for everything I do. I shoot videos, people scold me, people scold me when I fall in love, I write articles, and I even play an anonymous chat. WeChat, which is full of strangers, will pop up a few people who seize the right time to attack you.
I'm going to change it so that no one is dissatisfied, unless I have no idea and don't talk from now on.
my mother began to hate my grandmother, but then my grandmother was hospitalized in a car accident, and it was my mother who stayed with her for the longest time.
once, Grandma and I were the only two people in the ward. She gave me 200 yuan. She said, "if you study, take it and get some more food. Don't be hungry." I was touched, but the next second, she said, "in fact, your mother takes care of me only by pretending to be filial to others."
"what I saw was not what you said, but it was always the way I saw you." I put 200 yuan back on the table and left the hospital. It was a two-hour drive home. Those two hours were too long. I plucked up my courage and asked my mother in an adult tone for the first time, "do you still hate Grandma?"
my mother said, "We're doing fine right now, but I can't forget it."
I thought for a moment, turned my head and said firmly, "Mom, we're going to have a better life in the future."
my mother smiled and nodded.
until a certain month
I can rest at the funeral
I still want you to come to
I am afraid that people will say sorry to me. I always feel that" sorry "is a very low way to make up for it. You hurt others, you say sorry to them, but you want them to say" forgive you "and" it doesn't matter ". In the final analysis, it is to make yourself feel better.
someone reprimanded me for being not magnanimous enough. It's all right. I just don't think they've ever been hurt by a needle. In the past, I didn't quite understand why the opposite of love is hate, not indifference. Later, I learned that if I love someone, I will remember him for the rest of my life. Even if I don't love him, I will still remember him and hate him for the rest of my life. Even if I don't hate him, I won't forget.
like the interview on the night of the all-night event, everyone said let it go, "it's nothing". But they only "don't hate", their faces are still dignified, their brows are deep, their fists are clenched, and they remember every detail, including how high the seventh floor is from the edge of the school roof.
now I quit insomnia. I fall asleep before 12:00 every night, with a normal schedule. I'm not afraid of crowds. I like talking to people, even talking. I'm not afraid of whispering. If I do well enough, it's valuable to be discussed. I'm not so frail and sick. I run every day and drink eight glasses of water.
if my articles are not liked by you, there will be many readers' likes and admirations to support me. Most importantly, I find what I want to do and like several worthy people one after another.
so if you can see this tweet, I want to tell you that I am doing well now, and I will try to make myself better and cure the sequelae you left on me.
I don't hate you, don't hurt you, don't forgive you, and I won't forget. Every day from now on, I will live a little better than you.