A person is grumpy to his relatives and kind to outsiders. The reason is that.
Good morning, accompany you to read.
I have read such a sentence in a book, and I think it is quite reasonable:
"A good temper outside may only be smooth in dealing with the world, while a good mood at home is really deep in the marrow of self-cultivation."
I have seen too many people, grumpy to their relatives and kind to outsiders, and have two faces at home and outside:
people are kind and polite in front of them-one on the left is sorry, the other doesn't matter;
people look different-less politeness, less politeness, and sometimes less respect.
Why do we always show our best to outsiders who have nothing to do with us, but leave the worst to our loved ones?
the reason for this is not complicated, but carefully speaking, it is a bit heart-wrenching.
outsiders are friendly, because no one is used to
recently, there is a video on the Internet.
A man in his 40s clutched a teenager in Qujing, Yunnan, and asked him over and over again, "do you apologize?"
when the teenager wanted to struggle, the man grabbed his hand and pressed him impolitely.
when people saw this scene, they did not stop it, but showed admiration to the man one after another.
it turns out that just now, the teenager punched and kicked his mother in the street.
the man couldn't stand it, so he stopped it and asked him to apologize to his mother.
next to him, the teenager's mother leaned against the telephone pole, covering her face and crying bitterly.
seeing this, the man pointed to the boy's mother and yelled at him: "Beast, I'll ask you again, will you apologize?"
maybe no one has ever done this to him before, and the teenager finally knew that he was afraid.
he nodded gently to the man, and then timidly said to his mother, "Mom, I was wrong!"
many people shouted happily when they saw this.
it is true that "people who are horizontal in their nest are mostly pussy outside".
from the punching and kicking of the mother to the amiability in the face of men later, it is just because no one is used to it.
Why are most people polite to outsiders?
because they know very well--
outsiders will not forgive their mistakes, tolerate their temper, let alone take care of their own feelings and thoughts.
cold words to them, in exchange for not understanding, but full of disgust;
angry at them, you get not appeasement, but a heavy hammer.
in other words, they are friendly to others because no one is used to them.
be rude to your relatives, because you have nothing to fear
some time ago, my friend Fang Qian suddenly posted a circle of friends: "I am too tired to have you for the rest of my life." That's it. One parting and two forgiveness will make each one happy. "
I asked her what was wrong.
she told me that she divorced her husband of three years and had just finished the formalities yesterday.
hearing this news, I was shocked: Fang Qian's husband is a good husband whom we recognize as a good husband.
he has a good temper and has never blushed with anyone since he met.
he is kind to people and will do his best to ask him for help.
when a good friend was with him, he once sighed from the bottom of his heart: "he is like a gentle light that shines softly on all the people around him."
when I was about to persuade my friend to calm down, she first said:
"you don't have to persuade me, I really can't stand it."... "
"despite the fact that he is kind to outsiders and looks like a good old man, this is not the case when facing me and my family...."
"after three years of marriage, he often gets angry outside, and when he comes home, he takes it out on me. Whenever something goes wrong, he gets angry with the family."
"Last month, I asked him why he did this to me, but unexpectedly, he threw me a sentence, 'because you are my wife, so you should put up with me!'"
I am saddened to hear this.
you see, relationships between people are sometimes so cruel that there is no fairness at all.
all the feelings in life: if you have a parent, you have nothing to fear.
so the biggest mistake we often make in all intimate relationships is-
is adept at failing to live up to the lover who firmly chooses us;
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is obviously tolerant, but is accustomed to being critical of all his relatives.
A person's biggest disaster
outsiders are kind and angry with relatives
A foreign research institution has done a survey: emotional management and family problems.
they conducted a series of follow-up and interviews with 1000 families over a period of six months.
the results of the survey show that more than half of the family problems are caused by improper emotional management.
that is to say, if you can leave the good mood to your loved ones, there will be half less chicken and dog jumping in your home.
the writer Zhou Guoping has a famous saying: "it is instinct to be critical of those close to you, but it is a kind of upbringing to overcome your instinct and not to be picky about those close to you."
how many people always greet each other with a friendly smile when they see an outsider, but always with cold words and cold eyes in front of their relatives;
how many people are polite and humble gentlemen and ladies outside, but they have become irascible, domineering, insolent villains and shrews at home.
They do not know that if they are always friendly to outsiders, outsiders will gain an inch; they will always be rude to their loved ones, and their loved ones will be sad and cold.
they don't understand that a person's greatest disaster is to be kind to outsiders and lose his temper with his relatives.
but people who are really good are the same outside and at home.
there is such a dialogue in the Analects of Confucius, which still sounds enlightening:
Zi Xia asked Confucius: "what is the most difficult thing to achieve filial piety?"
Confucius answered only two words: "Color is difficult."
being kind to the person closest to you is the rarest accomplishment of an adult.
No matter how deep the feelings are, you can't help spending every day;
No matter how close you are, you can't beat the indifference year after year.
when you are alive, you don't have to please your family, but you must treat them attentively.
for the rest of his life, leave the best temper to the closest person
Lu Yongfeng, who is known as the "Chinese brand alchemist", has a life motto: "Don't bring the dust of your heart home."
when he first started his business, he ran around every day, doing market research, writing activity plans, and setting the direction of the brand.
in order to serve his clients well, he often stays up late and works overtime. It is normal to work until the wee hours of the morning, and it is even more common to eat irregularly.
gradually, mountain pressure and surging emotions follow.
but every time he comes home, he always takes a five-minute rest in the car and adjusts his negative emotions before going upstairs.
in the face of his wife and daughter, no matter how stressed he is, he always smiles;
in the face of his family, no matter how bad the mood is, he is always agreeable.
A friend asked him: "Why do you never lose your temper at home?"
Lu Yongfeng replied, "Home is a comfort zone of love and warmth, not a dustbin of stress and emotion." The dust on the soles of your feet should be left outside the house, and so should the dust in your heart. "
indeed, only by digesting stress and emotions outside the door can one keep the peace inside the door.
what you look like when you face your family is what you look like mentally.
and your mental appearance is the best feng shui in life.
people, remember at all times: leave the best mood at home and leave the best temper to the person closest to you.
things change. Life is like a dream. In the twinkling of an eye, it is life.
A long way of life, there is a home, there is warmth; there is a family, there is not alone.
May you be polite and kind at home for the rest of your life.
May you be kind to your family and live your life.