Beautiful morning light, accompany you to read.
A few days ago, I saw a moving piece of news.
in Jiaohe, Shandong Province, there is a father of post-90s migrant workers who went out to work after graduating from junior high school.
because of the long-term lack of companionship, the son who stayed at home scored only more than ten points, which made him feel very guilty and remorse.
so the father began to read remotely with smart speakers, which lasted for two years without being understood by others.
Today, not only the son's grades have improved, but the relationship between father and son has also become closer, talking about almost everything.
what an intelligent and stylish father he is. He is not limited by his work and distance. He tries to lift his son and give him the warmest companionship.
but I have seen many parents around me:
they go out early and come back late every day, and they are willing to bear hardships and stand hard work for a better life for their families.
when it comes to "accompanying" children, their faces are covered with helplessness and anxiety.
as everyone knows, the most precious gift that parents give to their children in childhood has never been a car or a ticket, but an attentive companion.
every excellent child
is accompanied by his parents
recently, Zhao Wenzhuo has once again become the focus of the public in the hit "Brother through difficulties".
in life, he has three children, the eldest of whom is 14 years old.
the star's work is so busy that he will put off his work to spend time with his children during the holidays, including this recorded program. He also specially sent the children to Haikou and signed them up for summer camp.
during the recording of the program, he will specially take the time to accompany the children.
on weekdays, he tries not to be left behind at every important moment when the children grow up.
he understands every child's preferences and personality, and is deeply involved in every corner of their growth.
he believes that only high-quality companionship can make children have no lack of love.
Yes, real companionship doesn't have to be with the child all the time, but you must pay attention to it:
build a bridge with sincerity to communicate with your child and listen carefully to your child's inner joys and sorrows;
solve his puzzles in life and study;
always be his backing and build him full of sense of security and happiness.
think of the twins high achiever, Zhao Nai and Zhao Di, who were admitted to Tsinghua University and Peking University respectively last year.
their father is just an ordinary farmer, but every weekend of his three years of high school, his father will specially go to the school in the county from his hometown to have a face-to-face communication with his two children and accompany them silently in his own way.
there are many ways to accompany children, and busyness is not a reason for parents' absence.
any outstanding child is not a miracle born out of thin air, but is "accompanied" by his parents' heart.
People's Daily once pointed out that
educating good children is the most important career in parents' lives. No matter how much money parents earn and how much honor they get, it is not as good as the honor of educating their children.
therefore, parents must not be lazy and must accompany their children with their own hands.
because the validity period of parents is only so short for more than ten years, once missed, it will cause lifelong regret.
the five pits that accompany their children
are ruining their children's lives.
about companionship, many parents always have all kinds of confusion:
I am a stay-at-home mother. I spend almost every day with their children from morning till night, without entertainment or even a life of their own; but their grades are still not improving, even when they see me, and the parent-child relationship is getting worse and worse.
I believe that there are not a few parents who do their best to accompany their children, but they always don't get the results they want.
this is because most of the time our companionship is ineffective or even negative.
1. When accompanying their children, they are perfunctory and careless
although many parents often accompany their children, their hearts are still empty and lonely.
this is because--
some parents are absorbed in playing with their mobile phones while accompanying their children, and their children can cope with a "casual" question.
some of them obviously accompany their children to participate in parent-child activities, but as a result, they let their children play with other children. I was busy answering the phone and talking about things, and the children were lonely and afraid to come forward.
seems to spend a lot of time with children, but lack of communication and interaction from language to body, and there is no emotional link between parents and children, such companionship is often ineffective.
and effective companionship is not perfunctory, let alone take form, but the collision of heart and heart, is to really accompany the child through an unforgettable and happy time.
2. When I was with my child, I often interrupted him
A few days ago, I saw a 4-or 5-year-old boy accumulating wood attentively in the playground of the mall.
his mother just sat by and stared at him, constantly pointing:
you can't do this, you have to put the red one on top;
this one is sure to collapse here for a while, don't say I didn't tell you.
the poor little boy was bewildered by his mother's repeated interruptions, his face was aggrieved, and the building blocks were in a mess.
Montessori said, "never disturb a child unless you are invited by it."
when accompanying their children, parents must know how to advance and retreat and leave enough room for their children to play.
when a childWhen immersed in one thing, your "intervention" will not only affect the child's mood, but also destroy the child's most precious concentration.
3. Companionship is impatient and emotionally unstable
there is such a scene in "Super Parental teacher":
the 7-year-old boy Xuanxuan finished his homework and wanted his mother to accompany him to do manual work. Although his mother didn't like it, he chose to compromise.
but in the process of doing it, my mother kept complaining: "it's so painful to do it. I don't want to do it."these small places are going to be cut crazy."
finally, the craftsmanship was not done well, the whole room was full of negative energy, and the relationship between mother and son dropped to a freezing point.
companionship is indeed a long and arduous process, which requires enough patience, carefulness and love.
and parents have a stable mood, which is the premise of long-term harmony with their children.
4. Many parents can't help nagging and preaching when they accompany their children.
there was such a suffocating scene in the variety show "after School".
Mom accompanied the first-grade girl to do her homework and eat, but her mother kept nagging her and reasoning with her from the desk to the dinner table.
while the little girl was silent and lost her vitality.
when accompanied, adults preach constantly, in the eyes of children, it is a kind of superior oppression and command, which will only push their hearts further and further away.
but the company and education with really high EQ is a gentle spring breeze, which is to learn to sympathize and sincerely accept children and guide them to make progress slowly.
5. In "Little Joy", the mother played by Song Qian can do anything for her daughter Yingzi.
when her daughter is promoted to the third year of high school, she resigns to accompany her all the way to study, and she has to study the examination questions herself.
fearing that she is too tired from study and lack nutrition, she turns into a fancy porridge stew.
she even builds a glass window in Yingzi's study to monitor Yingzi's every move at any time.
it can be said that the company of a mother is the ultimate.
but Yingzi, under her mother's constant surveillance, finally could not bear the pressure and chose to jump into the river to commit suicide.
you should know that companionship is not the same as accompanying, let alone supervising and interfering in a child's life.
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only by fully respecting children's feelings and maintaining a certain sense of boundaries, can we maintain a good parent-child relationship and give children more stable and long-term companionship.
writer Rao Xueli once concluded in her book "Happiness is to enjoy a little happiness in life with children":
companionship is the best education for children, and education is just different ways of companionship.
We need different ways of companionship according to the age of the child.
0-3 years old is the enlightening stage, and companionship is intimate love
0-3 years old, which is not only the most important time for children's physical and mental growth, but also the key stage of sense of security formation.
at this time, parents must give their children enough love, such as hugging, smiling, looking at each other and gentle caressing when crying, spend more time with him and do what he likes.
moreover, parents must accept their children unconditionally, face up to their emotions, and let them feel your love with all their heart.
once a child's sense of security is missing, it can't be made up for for the rest of his life.
from an early age, I feel that children loved by their parents will be more independent, stronger inside, and will not collapse because of trifles in the future.
4-6 years old is childish stage, companionship is exploring
4-6 years old can be said to be the most curious stage of children, they are full of curiosity about all the unknown.
remember that when my daughter was 4 years old, she was like a walking "hundred thousand whys".
Mom, why are maple leaves red?
where did the sun go after sunset?
Why do we have to eat every day?
every time I give her answers as patiently as possible to protect my child's precious thirst for knowledge and exploration.
and parents can usually observe their children's interest points and pay attention to the cultivation of their children's interests. Many hobbies that benefit from life are developed at this stage.
7-9 years old is the stage of exploration, and companionship is the stage of appreciation
. The child has just entered the lower grade of primary school and is adapting to a new growing environment.
and parents' perfect expectations of their children are beginning to fall apart.
my best friend often complained to me that since my child was in primary school, he had been yelling and urging him to do his homework every night, and the parent-child relationship had dropped to a freezing point.
at this time, parents should put aside their anxiety and high expectations and learn to look at our children with appreciation.
usually be good at discovering the bright spots in the child, even if the child has made a little progress, but also learn to encourage, so that the child will build up self-confidence and move forward in a better direction.
the age of 10-12 is the stage of growth, and companionship is the stage of understanding and letting go
. Children are in the early stages of puberty, have a stronger sense of independence, often have their own views on things, and begin to have a generation gap with their parents.
parents of this period should try to understand what their child is doing, don't always suppress him with authority, and give him more opportunities to try and make mistakes.
the most important thing is to learn to let go and cultivate children's independence:
for example, my sister has set eight rules for her little nephew, such as setting her own alarm clock to get up, tidying up her room, finishing her homework first, etc., and so on.
only children who are independent enough can have sufficient strength in the future to face the rain and snow in the future.
13-18 years old is puberty, companionship is communication and respect
children who enter puberty, their self-consciousness becomes more mature, and a lot of internal rebellion begins to appear.
just a few days ago, a 14-year-old boy in Henan locked himself in his room for three days and nights after a quarrel with his parents.
until the firemen came to tear down the door, they found that the child was reading quietly in bed.
parents must avoid going head-to-head with their adolescent children.
parents can have a heart-to-heart chat with their children regularly, avoid preaching with one mouth, listen carefully to their ideas, and work together to solve the problems encountered by their children in life and study.
We must cherish this last opportunity of companionship, because at this stage, the child's habits, character, and values will be basically stereotyped and affect his whole life.
with children, there is also a "period of validity". The age of 0-18 is the whole process of parents accompanying their children.
once this expiration date has passed, it is useless for God to take back this "sweet" gift and let you try your best to make up for it.