Failed countless times to set rules for children? That's because you don't understand these five golden rules.
Good morning, accompany you to read.
parents often leave messages backstage, complaining bitterly: "when you make rules with your children, you talk well, but in the end, you find that the rules can't stand up at all."
for example, I told my child to buy only three toys a month, but the child cheated every time he saw his favorite toy, begging to "buy another one."
when the parents disagreed, the child lay on the ground and finally had to buy him one to quell the farce.
the rule becomes a decoration in the end.
in fact, whether the rules can be set up or not depends on the parents' way of education.
if parents can understand these five psychological rules and make rules, they will not be "weak".
Pandora effect simple prohibition can only cause children's rebellion
there is a word in psychology called Pandora effect.
means that in many cases, the more you forbid others to do something, the more it will arouse other people's curiosity.
it's like when a child is young, he always wants to poke a black hole in the socket with something.
parents rush to stop it, but children often try to stuff things into it when their parents are not paying attention.
this is because parents do not explain the reason for a thing, but simply prohibit it, which will only make it have a special attraction, so that children can not help but turn more attention to it.
something happened to me when I was eating out the other day.
there are two children at the next table, who were sitting obediently in their seats.
later, my bored brother took a fork and knocked on the table, the cup and the bowl and plate in front of him, as if he had discovered a new world.
my younger brother soon joined in.
looking at other people's reproachful eyes, my father stopped and scolded: "Don't knock on the bowls and chopsticks!"
the child was quiet for a while, then began to tap tentatively, and then became more and more excited as he played.
the mother, who had just returned from the bathroom, immediately snatched the forks from the two children's hands and asked them seriously, "Why are you knocking on the table with cutlery?"
my brother hesitated for a moment and told his mother that he just wanted to know what it would be like to hit something else with a steel fork.
while the younger brother sees his elder brother having a good time, so he plays with the wind.
after listening to the reasons of the two children, the mother looked at the two children and said, "tableware is for eating, not a musical instrument, nor a toy." The noise you make disturbs others, which is not right. No matter at home or outside, you shouldn't do this in the future, okay? "
the two children nodded, admitted their mistakes and promised that they would not do it again.
in fact, most of the time, children's wrong behavior is out of curiosity.
A large number of psychological studies have shown that exploring the unknown things in the world around us is a common behavioral response of human beings and a stable need of biological significance formed by human beings in the long-term biological evolution.
there are some things that the more parents are not allowed to do, the more their children can't help but want to do them.
therefore, when making rules, we should clearly tell the child the reason, let the child understand the right and wrong, and help the child understand the rules.
climbing the stairs
the road should be taken step by step, and the rules should be established step by step
there is a teacher. In order to improve the students' writing level, a series of rules have been made:
in the first composition, as long as the students write the words in the box and write more carefully, they can get more than 90 points;
the second composition, as long as not one tease (signal) to the end, a paragraph to the end, you can get more than 90 points
the third composition, as long as there are no typos, you can get more than 90 points.
slowly, the students' composition level has been greatly improved.
this phenomenon is like climbing the stairs step by step, so that you can climb the heights more easily and more smoothly.
this is also an interesting rule in psychology, called the "staircase effect".
when setting rules for children, the "stair-climbing effect" plays an important role.
there is a mother with a 5-year-old boy on the Internet.
the child always misplaces his toys, including his toys in the living room, balcony, room, kitchen and bathroom.
every time she asks her son to put away his toys, his son falls on deaf ears.
she called and scolded, but in the end she had to clean up alone.
later, instead of asking her son to pack up all her toys, she only said, "you just need to pick up the toys in the kitchen and the other mothers will pick them up."
because the son seldom goes to play in the kitchen and has fewer toys, the son is happy to clean up.
after tidying up, I waited proudly for my mother's praise.
later, the mother added a little scope to the child, saying, "now you are in charge of the kitchen and living room, and the rest of the mother cleans up."
my son did not refuse and would pack up the toys in the living room and kitchen before going to bed every night.
gradually, the child does it on his own initiative without even being reminded by his mother.
later, his mother reminded him that if he put the toy back in place every time he finished playing with the toy, he would not have to clean it up at night.
since then, the child has not thrown his toys about.
as the saying goes, you can't be fat with one bite.
when parents set rules for their children, it is impossible for their children to do their best at once.
therefore, the code of conduct and goals set for children should go from small to big.From easy to difficult.
Don't ask your child to do his best at once, but guide him to do better step by step.
broken window effect
A small mistake will only worsen in the future
in a parent communication group, a mother complained to everyone.
her son is just in the third grade and likes watching cartoons very much. once he starts watching, he can stare at TV all day.
considering the child's eyesight and homework problems, she set a rule for the child: watch only one episode of cartoons a day, and only after the homework is finished.
after holding on for a week, the son asked his mother to discuss: "can I watch cartoons first today, and then do my homework after watching it? I don't have much homework today."
at that time, the mother felt that it was not a big problem to make an exception, but she still had to do her homework anyway, so she agreed to her child's request.
unexpectedly, after this exception, the child offered to watch cartoons before doing his homework.
from watching only one episode to two or three episodes. Unwittingly, all the rules laid down at the beginning were broken.
in fact, this is because it falls into the strange circle of "broken window effect": if someone breaks the window of a building, and the window is not repaired in time, others may receive some exemplary connivance to break more windows.
A building with a few broken windows, if those windows are not repaired, saboteurs will break more windows.
you may even break into the building, and if you find it uninhabited, you may settle there or set fire to it.
A sidewalk has a little confetti, and soon there will be more rubbish, and eventually people will naturally throw it on the ground.
if the bad phenomenon is allowed to exist, it will induce people to make mistakes again and again, even worse.
it's also true to set rules for children.
if parents indulge blindly and take the rules as a decoration, they will make their children constantly challenge the bottom line.
Slide into charming wedding dresses for women and flaunt your sexy figure. The available collection can go well with all occasion.
when a rule is broken by a child once, there will be a second and a third time.
if parents do not correct them in time, more and more problems will accumulate.
only when the child makes a mistake, the parents come out to stop it, and the child can better stick to the rules.
set rules for children. Parents should unite
in the variety show "Parenting Master". When a father was tutoring his daughter's homework, he brought his daughter an ice cream and let her enjoy dessert while studying.
but the mother saw it, was very angry and yelled at her daughter.
when the father saw that his daughter was at a loss, he explained that he just wanted his daughter to relax.
and Dad thinks that eating ice cream, not often, can make any difference.
the mother took the ice cream from her daughter's hand and said firmly, "it's time to study. Don't eat it."
then the mother turned and angered at her father: "at least wait until your daughter finishes learning before you give her something to eat." Why do you have to do this every time? it's not easy to form a good habit. You have to make trouble every time! "
the child was sandwiched between his parents. He didn't know whether the ice cream could be eaten or not, so he couldn't help crying at last.
the fundamental reason why children don't know what to do is because they don't know who to listen to.