Beautiful morning light, accompany you to read.
chatting in a group of girlfriends these days, I heard a story that made me unable to calm down for a long time.
Xiao Xin is an enviable mother with a family of three, a stable couple and a daughter in the third grade of primary school.
the only drawback is that my daughter's academic performance has not improved.
as a woman who has been used to being excellent all the way, she has been reluctant to be left behind and wants to use video surveillance to find out why and what went wrong in the process of educating her daughter.
so one day, Xiao Xin secretly installed a camera in every corner of the house without telling her husband and daughter.
Xiao Xin said that although she knew it was wrong, there was really no way out.
the "truth" unveiled unexpectedly
later, Xiao Xin was surprised by the scenes in the video surveillance playback.
one second the couple were talking gently to their daughter, and the next when they talked about one of their daughter's repeated mistakes, the expression of gnashing their teeth and roaring could almost be described as "ferocious".
at this time, the girl sitting at the table subconsciously curled up her small body and covered her ears in pain.
the couple are discussing their daughter's study in the bedroom.
the speed of speaking is getting faster and faster, the voice is getting louder and louder, and their emotions quickly switch between anger and indifference.
at this time, the daughter sitting next door seems to be studying obediently, but in fact, she is listening to her parents, and her little face is full of nervousness.
the couple quarreled over their children's study again.
at a certain point, my wife was a little out of control. When she said something, her voice suddenly went up an octave!
at this time, the daughter sitting at the desk, like a frightened rabbit, stood up from her seat and was stupefied for a moment before sitting down slowly.
after watching the monitoring, Xiao Xin realized what her child had been suffering from.
and the surveillance video is like a mirror, reflecting the "abominable" appearance of your daily education.
the most terrible thing is that such a horror scene full of emotional tension is unexpectedly staged in this small family every day.
affect their children's life
in fact, in the process of raising children, we often ignore the impact of our own emotions on our children.
recently, a young mother in Beijing was so excited when she quarreled with her husband over trifles that she planned to jump out of the 11th floor window.
the father dragged hard.
while the young children can only watch helplessly and wail, "Mom, Mom!"
fortunately, at that time, the police kicked open the anti-theft door and dragged their mother firmly back into the house to avoid a tragedy.
the mother's life has been saved, but how to fill the deep scar left in the child's heart?
in the news, we can often see that too many children have become "emotional buyers for parents".
it is not uncommon for parents to quarrel and leave their children in shopping malls, airports and other places in anger.
these parents may be too extreme.
but in life, parents get out of control because of work stress, husband-wife relationship, family disputes and children's academic pressure.
many realistic cases show that
if parents fail to control their emotions and show some extreme reactions in front of their children, they may cause trauma to their children.
Children are likely to develop some post-traumatic stress disorder in their future life, and even develop into personality disorder and mental problems.
in kindergarten or primary school, we often see individual children who are irritable, aggressive and unhappy.
generally speaking, the relationship between the parents of such children is very tense.
the unstable emotions of parents will not only cause children's personality defects, but also lead to psychological disorders, language retardation and other phenomena.
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once in a first-grade Chinese observation class, I heard a child share her work "Home":
"I have a family, a father, a mother, and me, this obedient doll.
I love my father, I love my mother. "
the child is reading aloud very carefully but stuttering. at the moment, the parents of the children around me are slowly crying.
after-class conversation let me know that they used to be competitive when they encountered big or small things, regardless of their quarrels.
they had a big quarrel when the child was over one year old.
after that, they found that the children who were babbling suddenly talked less, became nervous as soon as they spoke, and began to stutter noticeably.
in the process of seeking medical treatment everywhere, the doctor's answer surprised them, but they regretted it too late.
it turns out that the parents' wayward and indulgent quarrels have a direct impact on the child's psychological development and personality development, and lead to the child's stuttering.
the impulsive behavior of parents
does great harm to the child
Oscar's best animated short film "Bao Baby", in which the baby doesn't listen to his mother and insists on moving out. The mother suddenly grabbed him angrily and ate it into her belly.
the tearful look and not eating in bed for a few days shows how regretful my mother is.
she loved him so much that she unexpectedly saw the steamed stuffed bun turned into Xiao Bao.Bao, she loves it very much.
she never thought that he would grow up and leave her, let alone that one day she would eat him on impulse.
although the reality is not so exaggerated, it is common for parents to treat their children impulsively:
"once, when I was in a hurry to take my child out of the house, the child did not get up. I pulled hard angrily and the child's hand was dislocated."
"when I asked the child to wash at night, he didn't move. As soon as my fire came up, I broke my toothbrush in half."
"when my child was in junior high school, he said one day that I wouldn't be a father. I slapped him in the face for the first time in my life."
"she didn't pay attention to doing her homework with her child, so I was so angry that I tore up her exercise book."
most parents take good care of their children, but it is inevitable that they often treat their children impulsively because of anger in the process of loving their children.
the body that the child has been beaten will recover, but the damage to the child's mind is unimaginably great and far-reaching, which is often undetected and unknown.
because children cry or are unusually quiet after trauma, they may not be noticed and noticed because their parents are in a rage.
it is a long process for children to have language retardation, personality defects, psychological disorders and so on.
many young parents do not attribute these problems to their emotional control.
because they are ignorant of the harm suffered by their children, they often repeat the tragedy again and again, making the child's heart hurt even worse.
emotionally stable parents
are the source of sense of security for their children all their lives
there is a saying:
Children are as sensitive to changes in their parents' emotions as rheumatic patients are to changes in the weather.
those who observe words and expressions carefully are all learned from their parents over time.
writer Yin Jianli said:
but everyone has bad moods, and everyone has times when they can't restrain their own emotions. if parents want to be emotionally stable, they can start with letting go of their own peace of mind and giving up control over their children.
1. Peace of mind
parents spend the longest time with their children, and they are their first teachers. Every word and deed of parents will influence their children imperceptibly.
when one is in a soft mood, one needs to be calm. Only by calming down, not being impatient about things, and calming down can one's emotions be controlled.
Don't transfer the pressure of work and life to your children. Learn to empty yourself every day, empty your bad mood, and think about it.
Don't be anxious, protect your family from wind and rain with a stable mood.
only when the parents are emotionally stable, the family atmosphere will be good, and the children can have a better environment to grow up.
Children are very sensitive, and once they feel your inner peace, they will calm down.
that is to say, a leisurely parent will make the child fully feel at ease.
therefore, their sense of security is built, and they are able to explore more attentively in a reassuring atmosphere.
on the contrary, when parents are filled with restlessness, panic and instability, children also feel restlessness and restlessness.
shows emotional irritability and behavioral inability to focus on one thing, especially the inability to concentrate on learning.
2. Let go of control
many parents are used to being a conductor, always trying to get their children to do things their own way, and get angry if they deviate a little.
in fact, parents are too strong, it is easy to cause emotional ups and downs, not soft enough.
someone once said:
if you think about it, it makes a lot of sense.
strong parents, like the sun, block out the light emitted by their children, and it is more effective to encourage education than to combat it.
if we often lose our temper, we should reflect on whether we have high expectations and idealized demands on ourselves, children, others, and the environment in our fast-paced life.
for example, children must listen to me, study well, finish their homework on time, and be better than their neighbors.
We need to learn to get rid of these "must" thoughts in our minds.
unreasonable beliefs or unrealistic expectations, learn to encourage your child to walk on his own and correct his mistakes when he makes mistakes, which is more meaningful than charting the way forward for him.
the mood of the parents is a river, and the child is a tree on the bank.
the gentle mood of parents can promote the growth of their children better. The gentle mood of parents is the treasure of a child's life-it allows children to live their lives leisurely and at their own pace.
parents' emotional stability, family harmony and unconditional love for their children are not only the sources of their sense of security, sense of belonging and sense of value, but also the basis of their sound personality and happy life.
especially when the child is young, his self-consciousness is not yet mature, his parents are his world, and the child sees himself in the eyes of his parents.
Family education is not only an art, but also a spiritual practice of parents' minds and wisdom.
every child is different and more precious, growth is more important than grades, adults are more important than talent, and life is more important than anything else.
controlling your emotions is not only a compulsory course for parents, but also the best gift for parents to give their children.