It turns out that the most comfortable relationships depend on the Law of February 8.

after adulthood, you can no longer escape from dealing with people.

some people have summed up such a formula:

High IQ + high EQ = complacency  low IQ + high EQ = dignitaries help

High IQ + low EQ = unmet talent

low IQ + low EQ = nothing  No matter how sociable you are, you have to admit that people with high EQ will do things more smoothly.

get along with others, in fact, there is a "28 law", to achieve these points, EQ will not be low.

01

eight points of conversation

We often talk about the way of speaking, which is not speaking, but listening.

if you want to have a pleasant chat with someone and have a smooth conversation, listening is the king.

during Lincoln's tenure as president of the United States, "whether to liberate slaves" became an old problem, and he had a headache every day.

maintaining the black slave system has long been out of date;

if he wants to change, people keep scolding him.

he was so worried that his whole state fell to the bottom, so he had to go to his old friend for help.

after only one discussion at the White House, Lincoln unexpectedly untied the knot and his train of thought became clear.

what did the friend who became his benefactor say?

in fact, during the hours of "discussion", Lincoln was talking and his friends were listening.

how can a problem that cannot be solved by the President of the United States be clearly explained by others?

all Lincoln needed was a friendly person who would listen to him and help him relieve himself of the pressure.

an old friend mentioned Lincoln at that time and said, "he seems to be in a much better mood after talking."

this is the true meaning of communication.

when we chat and talk, we all pay too much attention to ourselves and habitually ignore others.

sometimes it doesn't matter what you say and what practical problems you can solve.

like Hemingway:

if you really want to be close to someone, listen more to the person next to you, comfort him, and say less about yourself.

eight points of listening, two points of speaking, mastering the ability to speak, naturally get along well with people.

02

nod at eight minutes, shake your head at two points

deal with people

, don't be busy denying, nodding, it will really be different.

No one likes to watch people shake their heads and listen to scolding, and so do your friends. They all need to be appreciated and praised.

yesterday I met Xiaoqing next door in the hallway. There were two tears on her face and her eyes were still a little red.

I didn't know until I asked, and her best friend insulted her again.

Xiaoqing has worked for a while, and now she plans to take the civil service exam, reviewing day and night, and reading books on the subway.

when her best friend knew, she laughed and shook her head and said, "you stupid head, stop dreaming."

she felt aggrieved and two lines of tears slipped down.

Xiaoqing usually calls her best friend "bad friend". There is no taboo when she loses a few words to her face and makes a joke. Her best friend dislikes her dirt dress, bad singing and ugly writing, so she interrupts with a smile.

this time, she made all her efforts in exchange for a word of ridicule. After all, she was still chilled, turned her head and went home directly, leaving the other party in place.

the more familiar friends are, the less taboo they seem to be. Sometimes they fight and don't hold grudges.

but very often, in the face of your repeated negation and ridicule, a friend's smile is not joy, just because it is you, he does not want to fall out.

Cai Kangyong has a saying quite right:

if you throw cold water on a friend, if it is cold in his heart, he will never come near you again.

No matter who you associate with, as long as you cherish the relationship, you must give more praise, affirmation and encouragement.

nod and appreciate at eight points, shake your head at two points and criticize. If you know how to treat others, you will not get tired of a long-term relationship.

03

make friends eight percent warm, two minutes cold

people can be close, but can not be without a sense of boundaries.

less discretion, no boundary of communication, the closer they are, the farther apart the two hearts are.

A reader once asked the writer Liang Xiaosheng a question: "what if a friend doesn't regard himself as an outsider?"

it turns out that she opened a restaurant and invited her friends to eat for two weeks for free in order to gain popularity.

I have a friend who has come every week since then and ate for free.

even invite friends and relatives to eat and drink in small shops.

that friend sometimes helps to carry dishes and entertain guests, but with an attitude of being the master, he never treats himself as an outsider, and even says to the guests, "eat as much as you like. My relationship with the boss's wife is like a family."

she was suffocated, and she couldn't pull herself down to talk to her friends.

Liang Xiaosheng gave her advice, saying that if you don't owe each other any favors, it's useless to mention that it's not easy to open a shop. If you lose this kind of friend, you lose it.

regardless of friendship, it sounds good, but there is a good saying: getting too close to anyone is a disaster.

without proper friendship, it is not worth maintaining, and people who do not know how to measure are not worthy of deep acquaintance.

usually warm, let you more intimate, but sometimes a little cold, keep a little distance, otherwise I do not know when, will scare others away.

eight points warm heart close to each other, two minutes cold intention to draw a clear boundary, grasp the measure, no matter how comfortable.

04

treat people with eight points of kindness, don't forget two points of edge

We have been taught since childhood: "be kind to others".

but no one has ever told us that if this kindness has no edge, it is worthless.

when Sanmao went to school, she remembered the word "kind" taught by her parents to help her roommates sweep the floor, wash clothes and make beds.

she became the most popular person in the dormitory, but also the most grumpy doormat.

anyone who has entrusted with everything agrees to lend out beautiful clothes, help roommates with meals, and stay up late to open the door when they return to the house.

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until later, thanks turned to complaining, and Sanmao himself could not help feeling: "now I am really a cheap person."

once her roommate drank so much that she was wronged by the dean. She finally couldn't stand it any longer. She vented all her anger, took a broom and beat them to death.

after losing her temper, the bullies all settled down, helped curl their hair, held umbrellas, kept meals, and began to curry favor with her one by one.

Sanmao's experience, we have more or less experienced, it is right to be kind to others, but too kind, the edge is not exposed, can only suffer ourselves.

A relationship maintained by patience can be screwed up with a little carelessness.

I like the sentence in "memories of scattered Stars" very much:

expand your network, try to be friendly, but don't be inferior;

treat your friends, try to be kind, but don't swallow it.

eight points of kindness to others, two points of edge to guard the bottom line, control the scale of goodness, interpersonal intimacy is also in the palm of the hand.

05

in any relationship, it is not the one who saves the effort to take advantage.

learn to transposition, keep a sense of propriety, and use more attention, so that you can communicate more freely with others.

you may like to talk, but when you chat with people, you must listen more;

you may not agree, but live with others and don't rush to deny it;

you can be warm and sometimes a little colder before the boundary feeling.

of course you have to be kind, and you must show your edge when you hit the bottom line.

there is a vast sea of people, countless people come and go, different personalities and backgrounds, and the truth of dealing with people is actually nothing but this "28 law."