I've talked to thousands of couples about marriage: 18 priceless advice to you who are married and ready to get married.
Good morning, accompany you to read.
there is a heart-wrenching question on Zhihu: "when did you lose your heart to marriage?"
in the following nearly 7000 answers, I saw this sentence: "at first, no one cared, but a quarrel, a disappointment, a cry, until we could never go back."
after talking to thousands of couples, I found that many people didn't really understand marriage, so they got into it hastily.
the losses they suffered in their marriage and the detours they took could have been avoided early.
these 18 hidden rules of marriage can help us build a better and longer-lasting marriage model from the beginning.
share it with you.
Marriage is the icing on the cake, not timely help.
Marriage can never solve any problem. It is a difficult and unavoidable problem in itself.
in the fairy tale, the prince and Cinderella live happily together, but in reality they don't even get a chance to meet.
so it is wishful thinking to count on marriage to save your loneliness, poverty and bad life.
Marriage is always the icing on the cake. Only when you understand it, will you be able to cope with it.
falling in love does not solve all the problems after marriage.
before entering into marriage, many people think that as long as they fall in love, nothing can be solved.
but the conflict between love and marriage lies in:
Love is romantic and eternal, while marriage is firewood, quarrel and patience.
it is easier to fall in love than to get along with each other, and the broken life will gradually wear away the initial passion and patience of two people.
A marriage without love is a hooligan, but a marriage sustained only by love is doomed to be shaky and vulnerable.
unequal marital relationships will perish sooner or later.
the ancients paid attention to marriage, but now free love pays attention to spiritual independence and harmony of the three values.
in the final analysis, it all means that "equal marital relationships are stable."
this equivalence does not mean exactly the same economic conditions. You have 10,000 yuan, and I must also have 10,000 yuan.
it means that no one is on the weak side of the relationship, but each has his or her own strengths.
just like Guo Jingjing and Huo Qigang, you are the son of a wealthy family, I am the world champion, no one is inferior to the other, and no one will look down on the other.
A close match is the best relationship.
choose "stay-at-home father" or "stay-at-home mother".
the "sacrifice" in marriage should be regarded as a fair exchange. You make money, I take care of the children, and work together.
but things always move in an unpredictable direction, which gives "stay-at-home parents" a great sense of crisis.
so ask yourself: are you ready to sacrifice?
sacrifice your social circle, your career income, your interests and dreams, and devote yourself to taking care of the children.
when the social circles of two people are very different and the pace is gradually inconsistent, will your partner affirm your efforts and sacrifices, and how can you make up for the gap between you?
most of the contradictions after marriage can be solved with money, and marriage needs money.
Love before marriage and reality after marriage.
Love can be romantic, but in real life, food must go first.
some people say that most of the unhappiness in marriage lies in not making enough money!
the economic base determines the superstructure, and love without material is doomed to be precarious.
so you must think twice about naked marriage. It is more important than anything else to go to bed early and earn more money when you are free.
children are not a reason to maintain a marriage.
A survey shows that 70% of men encourage their wives to have children, while only 17% of men have children in divorce.
this is enough to warn women that children can never bind a man, let alone sew a marriage together.
Adults should always be responsible for their choices.
if you have a child, it must be out of love, not as a tool to save parents' lives.
the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law depends on the attitude and behavior of men.
since ancient times, the contradiction and war between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law have never stopped.
from a stranger to a family, two people are connected by the bridge of men.
throughout the harmonious relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, it does not lie in what the mother-in-law has done, but in the attitude and handling of the man.
if the man is not mentally weaned, the family will still jump no matter whether the mother-in-law is true or false.
need to give each other more space in marriage than in love.
I have seen a lot of similar news. Men hide in their cars after work and stay for an hour before going home to avoid their wives who chatter all day long.
and some wives can't stand the 24-hour surveillance of men, and their strong desire for control and possessiveness make people breathless.
if both parties can realize that even if they are married, they are two independent individuals, and there must be a "degree" in everything;
you can give each other maximum freedom without paying too much attention to each other.
establish a sense of boundary and space in marriage so as not to let this pass.It's out of balance.
Don't treat your husband like a son or your wife like a mother.
Women tend to have some motherhood after they get married.
some people worry about everything when they take care of their husbands as they do their sons, and sometimes even get angry when they are disobedient.
after marriage, a man seems to pick up a mother, leave nothing at home and let his wife do this and that.
this kind of identity dislocation makes the two people have uncontrollable emotional anxiety.
people must know how to position themselves, who they are, what to do and what not to do.
A good marital relationship should be more reasonable when it comes to "affection".
A lot of people often say, don't reason with me if you love me.
in disputes and conflicts, we are used to blaming each other, and it's hard to realize if we're at fault, too.
but in fact, the essence of marriage is a cooperative relationship. In marriage, what is more important than love is the sense of cooperation.
it means that we have to abide by the most basic contract in social relations, that is, being reasonable and obeying rules.
blindly talk about "emotion" instead of "reason". All the rules have to be controlled by emotion and emotion, and this family is bound to be out of order.
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Don't take other people's standards and ask your partner too much.
the short video platform is becoming more and more developed, and we often watch others show their love.
other people's husbands are tall, handsome and rich, and other people's wives are still beautiful when they have children.
We laughed into lemon essence in front of the screen, looked up at our partner, and got angry for no reason.
there is no end to the road of keeping up with the comparisons. Blindly keeping up with the comparisons will only make you fall into endless loss and never feel happy.
there is no perfect lover or perfect marriage in the world. Contentment is the best attitude.
most marriages are ruined by not being able to "talk well".
some people say: "speech wounds are all hidden wounds; they have their own slow-release effect. If no one wakes up, they will not know until death."
if you blurt out hurtful words, you think the other person doesn't care, but you actually bury them in your heart. It's not that you're not sad, but forget it.
when one day, I have accumulated too much disappointment that no matter how good it is, I can't get it back.
Frozen three feet was not built in a day. Too many marriages are ruined by countless times of not talking properly.
Adults should learn to control their emotions, watch their mouths, and don't do things that can't end on impulse.
Marriage is not an one-sided effort. We should understand empathy and transposition.
what I fear most in marriage is to take all the other person's love and giving for granted.
one person gives and gives unconditionally, while the other person blindly takes and passively receives.
when a person always gets no response to what he or she gives, the passionate love will be exhausted.
be a person with palms down, learn to give and understand, and put yourself in each other's shoes.
this kind of marriage can maintain balance and long-term.
it is always easier and more effective to change yourself than to change each other.
there is a widespread saying that changing yourself is a god and changing others is a psychopath.
people who try to change each other in a marriage end up disappointed.
instead of worrying that the other person is not what you want, you might as well change yourself and try to accept the other person.
A long-term marriage is to accept it from the bottom of your heart and see each other's strengths and strengths.
only two people can be themselves and get along with each other freely, which is the most comfortable marriage state.