Beautiful morning light, accompany you to read.
Independence has always been a high-level label in modern people.
but in recent years, many people have gone too far, mistakenly thinking that independence is 100% economic autonomy, 100% spiritual wealth, and one person can live into a team.
in fact, that is not independence, but eccentricity, paranoia and overexert in disguise.
the true independence is to be able to deal with the relationship with the things around you on the basis of inner self-confidence and certainty, advance, get along harmoniously with others, retreat, and be self-consistent.
because from birth, we are inextricably related to the people and things around us, and often inseparable.
teacher Wu Zhihong once explained: relationship, that is, "getting along with others". Among them, it mainly covers "love or marriage", "parent-child or family" and "work or cooperation". These relationships run through the whole life of a person.
Love or marriage
some people may want to refute, how to now, but also specifically talk about this kind of love?
in fact, there is no doubt that love and marriage are very important parts of life.
We yearn for love, for intimacy, and for to be heard, just as Tony Leung speaks to the tree hole in the movie in the mood for Love, and our attachment to this intimacy has long been written into the sequence map of life.
in front of intimate people, everyone yearns to love and be loved, and enjoy the process of loving and being loved.
but for most people, the closer we are, the more eager we are to impose our will on each other, in the name of love.
then, because we subconsciously yearn for each other's approval, we will act according to each other's will consciously or unconsciously, and gradually begin to lose ourselves.
We give up what we like for each other, and then feel dissatisfied, blame, complain, vicious circle, and both sides become victims of this kind of interaction.
but if we calm down and think: the idea is in our heads, the legs grow on us, and the money is in our pockets, who can control it if we don't want to?
if you don't want to go against your heart, no one can influence you.
living oneself is the first topic in the adult world.
parent-child or family
the greatest charm of a person is his self. But in family relationships, we have too many roles to play: parents, husband and wife, children.
although we have formed a family with them, we sometimes have to face the fact that the life we want is not the life our partners or children want.
our life ideals and goals are not the life ideals and goals of our partners or children.
in such a diverse and multi-layered relationship whirlpool, how do you make yourself permanent?
I think the most important thing is to locate ourselves, live ourselves, and do what we can do.
Faye Wong has carried out this point very well. She always follows her heart, dotes on herself, and gradually breaks the doubts of the outside world.
No matter who she is dealing with, she is duty-bound and neat as long as she wants to do it.
about love, she never conceals it. She would rather put aside all worldly things than disappoint herself, have no regrets, and never say that she is bad for each other even if she breaks up.
when it comes to family affection, she can also be relaxed and natural, commensurate with her daughters and sisters, the optimistic Li Yan and the personality of Dou Jingtong can all get along well with her ex-husband. Dou Jingtong can even work with her current boyfriend and get on well with each other.
because of being and accomplishing herself, Faye Wong's love, family affection and friendship are all simple, direct and sincere. If you think about it, isn't that what she looks like?
Love, affection and friendship are actually a mirror of the self. You are right, the world is right.
work or cooperate
We know that only by attaching equal importance to career and life can life be hot.
when you go to work, change your sports casual wear into straight and straight professional clothes. Life and work, leisure and struggle, we can switch freely between the two states.
at home, chat with loved ones and children;
outside, solve work problems and compete with villains in the workplace.
We can be ruthless and soft, gentle and tough, and flexible on the basis of maintaining ourselves.
whether a person has self or not is not absolutely independent, regardless of other people's feelings, nor is it because others have wronged themselves again and again, but to deeply understand themselves, clearly know what they care about, and take actions and make choices.
if there is really a shortcut to happiness in life, it is to accept yourself and live your life.
the humanistic psychological theory is "people-oriented". The more accurate meaning of this famous word is "me-oriented", that is, "I" myself is the chooser and judge of my life.
Maslow emphasizes self-realization, while Rogers, who is also the standard bearer of humanistic psychology, emphasizes "being himself".
however, it is particularly difficult to implement. Because the fog created by relationships drowns us. Deep in our hearts, there are too many other people's will, especially the will of parents, the will of authority, and the will of saints.
in the variety show "my Girl", Papi Jiang and Jiao Junyan talked about the most important ranking of independent women's lives, which caused an uproar. She thought: herself & gt; partner & gt; children & gt; parents. Because they spend the longest time with themselves, followed by their partners, and parents and children can only accompany themselves for a period of time, so they are rankedLast.
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hearing Papi Sauce's point of view, the dads at the scene could not sit still. Jiao Junyan's father said: without this, it is impossible to be the first!
how do you sort this problem? Will you be the "you" you want to be in the current relationship model?