Beautiful morning light, accompany you to read.
Zheng Yuanjie said:
"the growth of a child is the mother of success and failure."
there are limited things that children can use to exercise them when they are growing up.
if the mother does what belongs to her child, the child's growth space will be compressed.
mothers with full marks are most likely to raise children with zero marks.
sometimes, when a mother steals laziness, it will help her child to grow up.
do not bother to urge: cultivate children's consciousness
BFF has a daughter who is in the fourth grade of primary school and is used to sleeping late.
every morning, she urges her daughter several times, but she still stays in bed, muttering:
"I'll get some sleep."
as a result, less than a month after the start of school, I was already late five or six times.
every time she is late and her daughter is criticized at school, she goes home and complains that her mother did not wake her up, causing her to be criticized by the teacher.
BFF feels that she can't go on like this anymore, so she tells her daughter:
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"it's your own business to go to school.
what time should you get up tomorrow morning? set the alarm clock. If the alarm clock goes off, you can't afford it, and your mother won't take care of it. You'll take all the responsibility. "
my daughter doesn't take it to heart at all. after all, her mother said that she didn't care about her, but finally she couldn't help urging her to get up.
the next morning, the alarm clock rang and she was still in bed, waiting for her mother to wake her up.
this time, however, my mother was determined not to care.
by the time she got up by herself, it was after nine o'clock and she was late for school again.
back to school, the teacher criticized her in front of her classmates, which made her feel very embarrassed.
later, as soon as the alarm clock goes off, the daughter will get up by herself.
I even learned to prepare clothes for the next day in advance in the evening, pack my schoolbags, and make good use of my time.
half of the semester has passed, and when my daughter gets up and goes to school in the morning, there is no need for adults to say.
lying in bed is a problem for many children.
in order not to be late for school, many mothers directly lift the quilt of their children and urge them repeatedly.
mothers can't help complaining: why are children so lazy?
in fact, it is not that the child is lazy, but that the mother is too diligent and deprives the child of initiative.
A child's self-consciousness always comes from himself, not from external forces.
lazy tutoring: cultivate children's thinking ability
once saw a picture on the Internet.
the picture is written in red and bold: don't call Mom!
Please try to solve the problem by yourself the first time. Don't shout "Mom" in the first place!
thank you for your cooperation! I hope that we can coorperate happily!
in real life, it's really common to yell mom when you have a problem.
my colleague once told me such a thing.
her daughter is still in primary school. Once, less than ten minutes after the child finished her math homework, she began to shout in a loud voice:
"Mom, I can't write this question, so come quickly."
when she was still washing dishes, she put down the dishcloth in her hand, went into her daughter's room, picked up her exercise book and looked at it, and then told her how to solve the problem.
before long, the child had problems that she couldn't do, so she had to finish the housework quickly and sit next to the child to help with her homework.
when she finally finished her homework, she discussed with her child:
"you want to think about the problems that will not happen in the future, okay?"
the child smiled and said
"but I have you, and you will tell me the answer to the questions I don't know."
it was the daughter's blurted remark that suddenly alerted her.
when children ask questions, we always subconsciously give direct answers, ignoring that such actions will make children more and more lazy to use their brains and lose the ability to think alone.
but as Einstein said,
"Learning to think and judge independently is more important than acquiring knowledge."
if a child does not have the ability to think independently, he can only rely on others when he encounters problems in the future, and he can only stay where he is forever.
if you want your child to learn to think independently, he should give back the ability to think.
when they ask questions, mothers can play dumb more often.
just like later, when her daughter asked her colleague how to do her homework, she would say to her child:
"Mom can't do this either. You can teach your mother when you learn it."
gradually, children have less time to call their mother, and when they encounter problems with their homework, they will think about what to do first and flip through their textbooks if they can't figure it out.
when the mother is too lazy to use her brain, the child will concentrate on solving the problem on her own.
whatever you do in the future, you will find ways to achieve your goals efficiently in a limited time.
do not bother to preach: cultivate children's self-confidence
educator Rousseau believes: "the three most useless ways of education in the world are: being reasonable, losing temper, and deliberately moving."
from the child's point of view, the truth that the mother repeats over and over again becomes criticism and criticism.
Zhihu has a netizen. When she was in primary school, her mother would repeatedly tell her every morning:
"Don't wander in class, listen carefully, or your grades will decline."
"if you don't understand, ask the teacher more questions, do you understand?"
"go home after school, don't go homePlay on the road, you hear me? "
this kind of nagging changes all the time.
in the third year of junior high school, her mother began to say in her ear at more than six o'clock in the morning:
"if you don't get up and recite now, can you still be admitted to high school?"
"if you don't study hard, you won't pass the exam."
"the morning is the best time to remember. If you don't get up, you don't have a plan every day."
she heard similar words thousands of times. Every time my mother says it, she gets upset.
although sometimes I can understand that my mother's nagging is a kind of reminder and a kind of warning.
but listening to the same words every day makes her more and more negative. In the end, no matter what she does, she breaks everything and even goes against her mother.
after a long time, there was still a kind of self-doubt in her heart that she could make mistakes in everything she did and couldn't do anything.
there is a word in psychology called "out-of-limit effect".
refers to a psychological phenomenon that causes psychological impatience or rebellion due to excessive stimulation, excessive strength, or long duration of action.
every sermon by the mother is a psychological stimulus to the child.
the frequency of preaching is too frequent, which will only make the child more and more impatient.
and nagging for a long time will make the child form a "restrictive belief", that is, fixed thinking.
its existence will gradually make children feel like their mother said, so that they can not help but doubt themselves, thus limiting their own growth.