Good morning, accompany you to read.
how many marriages have been lost to blame
"will you shut up?" I can't hear you at all. You keep talking. I can't hear it at all. If you interrupt me all, will you shut up? "
this is a scene from the variety show "Goodbye to Love".
across the screen, we can all feel the oppression and suffocation of the atmosphere at the scene, not to mention the parties.
the cause of the matter is this:
Wang Qiuyu drove to her destination with Zhu Yaqiong.
when passing through the checkpoint, Wang Qiuyu wanted to listen carefully to the regulations in the loudspeaker of the checkpoint.
but Zhu Yaqiong, who sat in the back row, reminded him from time to time:
do you want to get your ID card? Roll down the window! Roll down all the windows!
Wang Qiuyu just wanted to hear what the checkpoint horn said. Wang Qiuyu was completely angry at Zhu Yaqiong's interrupting behavior, which led to the above scene.
, while driving, Wang Qiuyu kept accusing Zhu Yaqiong:
you are very arbitrary. You just do what you do if you don't give others a chance.
I didn't hear you. I want to hear it myself. You have to cover your voice for me. Can you wait for others to finish?
how do you know I don't need to listen to navigation? what's wrong with you? I'm driving to listen to me, okay?
A series of accusations rushed in the face. Zhu Yaqiong, who sat in the back row, had no choice but to stare out of the window in despair.
in this marriage with Zhu Yaqiong, Wang Qiuyu is like a cactus.
those accusations are like thorns, constantly poking at each other.
what is even more puzzling is that Wang Qiuyu obviously participated in this program to save her marriage.
but once he had a conflict with Zhu Yaqiong, he began to quarrel and blame.
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thus pushed Zhu Yaqiong further and further away.
I have heard a saying: "blaming when something happens is the killer of intimacy."
sometimes, when a marriage does not come to the end,
is not because of unbearable problems such as infidelity and domestic violence, but because of accusations and incomprehension accumulated over time in the course of daily relationship.
blindly blindly criticizing not only can not solve any problems,
on the contrary, it is easier to intensify the contradiction and deplete the feelings once had.
husband and wife are not enemies, so there is no need to cling to a trivial matter and keep blaming each other for winning or losing.
because home is a place of love, not a place of reason.
but unfortunately, not everyone understands this.
blaming only when something happens is the biggest stupidity in marriage
some time ago, when I went to visit relatives at my cousin's house, I heard him criticize his sister-in-law as soon as he entered the door.
what's the matter with you? how long have you left the clothes unwashed? is it difficult to put the clothes in the washing machine?
day by day, I can't do anything well. I don't know what to say about you.
my sister-in-law stood at the kitchen door, opening her mouth and trying to say something, but in the end she said nothing.
this is not the first time such a scenario has occurred.
almost every time I come to my cousin's house, he loses his temper at his sister-in-law.
in fact, it's not a big deal, it's just that the children's shoes are inside out, the rice cooker is burnt, and the fried food is salty.
but it is these little things that my cousin clings to, always being sarcastic and criticizing his sister-in-law. Their marriage is in jeopardy because of these little things.
I heard that the two have separated. If it hadn't been for the children, they would have divorced a long time ago.
I asked my cousin: why do you earn money so hard every day? isn't it for your wife and children?
my sister-in-law didn't make any big mistakes. They were all trivial things. How could they have come to this point when they were easy to talk about?
Yes, they are all trivial details of life.
but these trivialities of life have crushed a marriage because of my cousin's blindly criticizing and picky.
it's not worth thinking about it.
the psychological book "it's not my fault" says that the vast majority of couples divorce is caused by long-term accumulation, and such couples blame each other and defend themselves in a snowball way.
husband and wife always stare at each other's mistakes and defend their strengths, attitudes and behaviors.
doing so will lead to stubbornness or even lack of progress on the part of the other party.
in marriage, there are always some people who have been bad reviewers for their partners.
when something happens, the first thing to think about is not how to solve the problem, but to criticize each other.
but when a reproach is spoken, it means harm.
too many couples are drifting away because of this reproach.
Marriage is a practice of two people.
A good relationship between husband and wife does not mean that there is no quarrel or contradiction.
but when one party makes a mistake, he or she can first take into account the other's mood and not easily criticize the other.
because when things happen, couples who tolerate each other are much wiser than those who blame each other.
the best marriage is not to blame.
although the firemen put out the fire in time, the fire destroyed the family's house.
the whole house was in a mess, the walls cracked, the doors were charred, and the bed was left with only a skeleton.
the head of the household, Ms. Meng, said that the child wet her trousers and bed sheets in the morning.
she blew the sheets with a hair dryer.In the middle of the day, the baby kept crying.
she put down the hair dryer and hurried to coax the child.
who would have thought that the hairdryer suddenly burst, igniting the pillow on the bed and causing the fire.
if you were the husband in the news, what would you do?
is angry, complaining, accusing his wife of causing big trouble,
or comforting the frightened wife and dealing with the rest with her.
fortunately, Ms. Meng's husband chose the latter.
he looked at his wife, who kept crying because of self-remorse, and said, "it's just a house. The worst thing is to redecorate it. It's like we live in a new house."
the best marriage is never to blame when something goes wrong.
because, when things happen, no matter how much blame is useless,
will deepen each other's guilt and remorse and alienate the relationship between each other.
although, in the face of our partner's mistakes and difficulties, our first reaction will think of anger, blame and temper.
but when you vent your feelings on the other person, think clearly about the consequences of what you do.
as Zhang Zhilin said in the interview:
when there is a contradiction, ask yourself first, what is the desired result?
break up? Divorce?
if neither, then stop blaming.
if we still want to spend a long time with our partner, don't make accusations easily.
the most sensible thing to do in marriage is not to fight for right or wrong when you encounter problems.
but to save some mercy for each other and encourage each other to go to the white end hand in hand.
the so-called Tian Chang Di Jiu (Eternal Dumpling) is just a person who understands, one who is magnanimous, one who does not complain and one who does not blame.
here, there is another question:
We all know that not blaming is the key to a happy marriage.
but when something really happens, how to adjust the mood of wanting to blame others?
I have summed up the following three points for reference:
1. When you encounter something, put solving the problem first and venting your emotions second.
when you want to blame the other person, think about the purpose first.
is it for venting emotions or to solve problems.
when the first thing you think about is not blaming your partner, but how to solve the problem, you also know the secret of maintaining an intimate relationship.
2. There is no perfect person in this world, everyone has shortcomings and shortcomings, you and I are no exception.
since we all make mistakes, we might as well choose forgiveness, tolerance and magnanimity.
maybe the next time you make a mistake, you will be forgiven.
3. Calm down and think, why did you fall in love with TA in the first place? Does this trait still exist?
see each other's good, see the traits that once attracted you,
you will not mind too much, your partner's minor shortcomings and flaws.
Balzac said: husband and wife should understand each other by knowing each other, and then by tolerating each other and loving each other in order to maintain a happy marriage.
A happy marriage is never verbal, but it is not easy to blame each other in case of trouble.
in the long life, there will always be conflicts, contradictions and disputes between the two partners, which are inevitable.
however, your attitude towards things determines the temperature of the family.
whether it is abuse, accusation or soft comfort, whether it is a big fight or a group to keep warm is up to you.