There is a kind of self-cultivation that knows people but does not judge others, and the governor is silent.

there is an old saying:

if you know people without speaking, you can see through but not say; blame others without harshness, leave leeway for others; respect others is not humble, posture should be neither humble nor arrogant.

being a person and doing things just right, you can not only make others feel comfortable, but also make yourself comfortable.

01

know people not to say anything, the governor is silent

the ancients said:

the way of speaking is important, but it is more important to know how to shut up.

A dialogue is recorded in the Analects of Confucius.

some people say:

Confucius disagrees:

"Why is it necessary to be eloquent? It is often annoying to argue with others with a sharp tongue.

I don't know if he is benevolent in the end, but why should he be eloquent? "

in the view of Confucius, those who are good at words may not be better than those who are not good at words.

in many cases, aggressive people are more annoying, and some even like to go up to other people's pain and think that they see others clearly.

do not realize that this will only make people stay away from them and dare not meet each other.

after all, who wants to be friends with people who poke their sore spots?

the really smart people always know people but don't judge them, keep things quiet, and see through them.

there is a story in Feng Tang's "36th CPC National Congress".

in a teahouse in Taipei, several friends met for tea.

in front of them, the owner of the teahouse boasted that he had contracted a few mu of tea land in the countryside, and the mountain tea grown was excellent and rare in the world.

coincidentally, one of my friends happened to be a boss in the tea industry, who was very knowledgeable about tea. He could see at a glance that the owner of the teahouse was actually bragging, but he didn't poke it right away, but smiled and said nothing.

the boss has always been like this, with an attitude of seeing through many people and many things, so he is good at doing business and maintains a good relationship with many partners.

A pair of couplets at the gate of Jinge Temple in Wutai Mountain reads: "it is difficult to open your eyes when you see through the world."

people are not saints, and no one is infallible. Everyone makes mistakes and makes a fool of himself. Don't be the wise man with a "golden eye" and make others feel embarrassed.

Hemingway said:

being able to see through is certainly an ability, but choosing to shut up is even more mature.

when you are born in the world, you don't have to stand out everywhere, and you don't have to be first in everything. It's better to rein in your edge and stop at it.

it is the performance of high EQ that you know how to save face for others.

02

it is reasonable to forgive others

LV Kun, a thinker of the Ming Dynasty, wrote in his book "groaning":

"blaming people to shut up and roll their tongues and sweat on the back, stabbing incessantly, isn't it pleasant!" However, it is shallow and mean!

therefore, when a gentleman attacks others, he must not exceed seven points. He must be implicit in order to support the person's shame and make him turn over a new leaf. "

when blaming others, they are forced to be speechless, sweaty, flushed and ashamed, and keep on blushing;

when blaming others, they are forced to be speechless, sweaty, flushed and ashamed, and keep on accusing them;

when blaming others, they are forced to be speechless, sweaty, flushed and ashamed, but exposed their own narrow-minded and mean character.

therefore, when a gentleman blames others, he should know how to leave room for reform.

everyone can make mistakes. It is wise not to cling to other people's mistakes and to give them a way out.

I have seen an allusion: an ancient temple with strong incense is thought of by thieves and may even threaten the safety of the monks in the ancient temple.

as a result, some monks proposed that we should join forces to catch thieves.

however, the host not only did not agree, but also deliberately closed the door at night so that the thief could escape.

the monks were puzzled and even complained about the host.

in their view, the host is undoubtedly encouraging the arrogance of thieves.

in the face of public heckling, the host replied as follows:

coincidentally, this remark was heard by the thief, and he was ashamed and greatly moved.

Look no further than gold maid of honor dresses and be the center of attention. Nowhere else you will find such a superb choices of collections.

after that, the incense money was never lost in the ancient temple.

the money lost in the past has also been secretly returned.

as the old saying goes, leave a line in everything so that we can see each other in the future.

there is nothing wrong with being reasonable and unforgiving, and there is nothing wrong with standing on a moral standpoint; being reasonable but forgiving others leaves a way for others to live.

Guo Degang also warned us:

it is others who make mistakes today, and it may be you who make mistakes tomorrow.

all wise people know how to retreat three points in everything, be reasonable and forgive others, and the leeway left to others may be their own vitality in the future.

03

respect others is not humble, do not please others

heard a father educate his son's words:

feel very reasonable.

most of the time we are in the lower position, and we always unconsciously think too highly of others, which is actually a kind of low opinion of ourselves.

one year, the famous host Bai Yansong went to Guangzhou Jinan University to give a speech.

when the students saw him, they were very excited. Some asked for autographs, some asked for a group photo, and many others took photos and posted Weibo.

after the speech began, Bai Yansong first said:

"I just saw a Weibo saying," I'm going to see Mr. Bai Yansong!

used eight exclamation points! I feel sorry for you very much.

when you have an expression space, you use your power to exclaim rather than ask your questions.

No matter how high others are, they should not look up; no matter how low they are, they should not look down. "

habitually look up at others and habitually lower yourself, which is actually a manifestation of flattering personality.

writer Jiang Fangzhou used to be a flattering personality.

as good as her, she is actually very self-abased and sensitive, always subconsciously trying to please others, trying every means to take care of other people's emotions;

even quarreling with her boyfriend, they are worried about each other's anger, and every time they bow their heads and apologize. She lived a miserable life during that time. And when she gradually tried not to please anyone, she really found herself.

she finally realized:

in fact, we often confuse respect with flattery, turning respect into groveling and respect for others into obedience.

in fact, while respecting others, you don't have to be aggrieved and lower yourself.

Smart people respect others but not humble, can bow their heads and know how to raise their heads, neither humble nor arrogant, and live freely.

04

A wise man knows when to advance, when to retreat, when to insist, and when to give in.

know people do not say all, there is the wisdom to see through, but also the wisdom not to say; blame others not to be harsh, broad-minded, but also have enough long-term vision; respect for others is not humble, there is respect for self-cultivation, but also have the courage to be thankless.

Life sea, the world is complicated, may you and I be able to cultivate an exquisitely carved heart and manage our own life in a larger pattern.