Beautiful morning light, accompany you to read.
"if you lose your temper again, you won't go out to play!"
No sooner had I entered the house than I heard my husband scold his son in the face.
"whoo. If you don't go, you won't go. I'm not going with you! " The son cried so much that he was angry and aggrieved.
A father-son war ends in ignoring each other.
after careful inquiry, I learned that when father and son went to play in the neighborhood square in the afternoon, a little brother took the son's toy ball to play with, but the little brother refused to return it to him when he wanted the ball back.
asked for several times in vain, the son was very angry, shouted at the little brother: "you villain, I will never play with you again!"
my husband thought it was impolite for his son to lose his temper, so he dragged him home to criticize and educate him, so the scene at the beginning of the article happened.
as the saying goes, the son is not the fault of the godfather. I understand that my husband wants to raise his children to be polite and educated.
but the child is not a saint. He has his own inner needs and thoughts. Isn't it normal for him to get angry when he has emotions?
it is actually a "double standard" for adults to lose their temper to stop their children from losing their temper.
parents often see their children lose their temper and give them a negative label, thinking that their children are undisciplined and ignorant because they only see their children's behavior, but do not have an in-depth understanding of the motivation behind their children's behavior.
in fact, there must be a reason for a child to lose his temper.
it is not unreasonable for children to lose their temper.
brain scientific research has found that the emotional brain of human beings should mature before the rational brain, and the emotional brain can not mature until after the age of 30.
when children have small emotions and lose their temper, it is actually because their brains are not mature enough to control their behavior with reason and to control their anger with their will.
therefore, when parents ask their children to take their temper back, it is not that the children do not want to stop, but that they cannot do so.
in addition, children lose their temper often because some needs are not met.
maybe I feel sleepy, but I want to rest, but I can't sleep because of the noise.
maybe my parents don't buy them, and they feel lost.
maybe they don't have enough fun with the children. I was asked to go home.
when there is a conflict and gap between the actual situation and the inner needs, the child is unable to solve it and lose his temper, which becomes a helpless and urgent way for the child to seek help.
of course, not all the needs of children are reasonable and feasible, but only when parents find the "cause" of their children's temper can they resolve the "consequences" of their children's temper.
in wife's Romantic Journey, Cai Shaofen mentioned that her youngest daughter lost her temper.
once, my sister cried because her mother was only with her sister. Zhang Jin did not accuse her youngest daughter of being ignorant, but understood her feelings and gave her time and space.
the way parents respond determines whether a child's anger is dispelled or ignited.
only when parents see their children's inner world from their children's point of view, will they not be opposed to their children, and their children's small emotions can be slowly relieved.
otherwise, the unreceived signals and ununderstood feelings in the child's heart will turn into grievances deeper than the sea.
writer Rebus said:
the communication between parents and children is not two parallel lines that do not intersect each other.
how many parents forcefully close the door of communication, how many children are hiding behind the door and crying bitterly.
when a child loses his temper, it is most in need of parents' understanding and love, and it is also a precious opportunity for close communication between parents and children and to establish a good relationship.
not allowing a child to lose his temper will destroy the child
A netizen on Zhihu said:
"parents have laid down two rules for him since he was a child: a man can't cry, but he can't get angry.
so, when he comes across something, he chooses a peaceful way to solve the problem, even if he is a nuisance, he can respect each other and treat himself better than his lover.
I am cold-blooded rather than gentle, with almost no real feelings. "
the feeling of being repressed for a long time has been numb under the correction and request of parents.
does not allow the child to lose his temper, which not only cuts off the output of the child's negative emotions, but also obliterates the child's ability to perceive all emotions.
how can a child who has no joys and sorrows and no real feelings experience the splendor of life, how to feel the sincere interaction between people, and how to become a child with love in his heart?
in addition, children who are not allowed to lose their temper are likely to become flattering personalities.
on the surface, they are friendly and never lose their temper. But in fact, they are cautious, do not dare to offend others, do not dare to fight for their own rights, do not dare to express their demands, and will only flinch and humbly curry favor with others in case of trouble.
A female classmate in my son's class, quiet and lovely, left a deep impression on me.
once, when the children were playing on the kindergarten playground after school, the girl was directed by other friends to carry building blocks to build a house, but after the house was built, there was no place for the girl.
she could only squeeze into the corner and stand outside alone, weeping silently.
Children are very clever and not "aggressive", but they lose the most important ability to protect themselves.
sometimes, children who dare to "lose their temper" can win the respect and recognition of their peers, which is a kind of self-confidence.Children who dare not lose their temper are inferiority complex and cowardice.
guiding children to lose their temper correctly is a compulsory course for parents
emotion is like a double-sided coin. With positive emotional experience, there must be negative emotions.
to minimize the lethality of negative emotions, you need the careful guidance of your parents. Parents can use these three ways to guide their children:
wait a minute, give the child the right to express
when the child loses his temper, the most important thing parents need to do is to give the child enough time to wait patiently. when the child calms down, then guide the child to express his needs and reasons.
at this time, what children need is not the evaluation and judgment of their parents, but patient listening and understanding.
only when children feel understood and respected can children be willing to communicate with their parents and listen to their parents' opinions.
Smart parents will choose to be their children's emotional harbor, gently greeting their children to land, rather than using rebukes and blows to push their children further and further away.
talk about it.
ask children to describe their emotions:
Let children know that each emotion has its own meaning, they are good or bad, identify each emotion, embrace every emotion, but do not be held hostage by emotions, but be the masters of emotions.
give the child a hug to make the child feel accepted
Sun Li has spent 7 years to understand a child-rearing scripture:
A child in an emotional whirlpool cannot quickly get rid of negative emotions, and parents' preaching and reasoning will only become a kind of pressure.
A hug will make the child feel loved and accepted, and give the child the strongest support.
Dr Deborah McNamara, a child psychologist, once said:
Don't be afraid of children losing their temper. Instead of suppressing their anger and grievances in their hearts, it is better to give them space and time to release and vent their inner grievances and emotions.
once saw a video of a foreign father, how to patiently enlighten his angry daughter.
"you can be mad at your father, you can be mad at your mother, you can be mad at your sister, you can be mad at yourself, but remember, don't let this mood dominate you for too long."
"you can throw pillows, you can vent, it doesn't matter, the important thing is to say it and let me know your bottom line."
Cai Kangyong said: "High EQ does not mean not losing your temper, but to lose your temper reasonably, so that your emotions can be expressed smoothly and be yourself comfortably, so that you and the world can be happy."
A child who is allowed to lose his temper is a child seen by his parents and a lucky child.
May all children learn to live in harmony with emotions and become lucky ones who are free in front of their parents and full of sense of security.
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